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Televised games

Sat Dec 14th 2002. Kick-off 5:35pm. Cardiff City v Bristol City

CARDIFF'S OWN

"THE CLARKIES PIE"

  Map of Clarks Pies, 23 Bromsgrove Street Cardiff CF117EZ

Map of Clarks Pies, 454 Cowbridge Road East Cardiff CF5 1BJ

CLARKIES ON SALE AT NINIAN PARK ...........CAN IT GET ANY BETTER

Things you do   

  • You must always try to buying your pie from the two official shops, Victoria Park, Canton or Paget Street, Grangetown.
  • The oven in the shops have only one setting Very Hot
  • You always buy a hot pie straight out of the oven and eat it as soon as possible. But if you have to take a cold one, remember the pie is from the official shop and will be freshly made that day.
  • The Clarkies is build to be eaten in your hand in the upright position while walking.
  • A true Clarkies devotee canít wait to get home and will eat a pie while walking home or sitting in a vehicle outside the shop so you can nip back in for another one.
  • A professor of the Clarkies at Cardiff University as produced a paper on how to eat the clarkies.
    1. Take a small bite out of the top of the pie to let the build up of heat out. This is especially necessary if the pie comes out of the Clarks Pie shop oven.  Remembering to move the pie away from your face or you could end up in Swansea Morriston Hospital in the burns unit.
    2. Once the pie as cooled down nibble around the pie in clockwise or anti- clockwise directions until you reach the rich meat filling.
    3. Remember to test how hot the filling is before the all-important first bite.
    4. There are two school of thought on how to pie should be eaten, the in your face big chunk eater or the nibble around the edge of the pie until you reach the bottom of the pie.
  • The Small Clarkies although very nice it is not for the grown man or women, itís more of a training pie for the younger generation. 
  • If you have to buy a cold Clarkies it is best warm in your oven at home.
  • If you lucky enough a visit a Clarks Pie Shop just before they close see if they have any broken pies they are unbelievably cheap for pies mainly with a crack in or a loose top.

Things you donít

  • You never buy a pie from a Fish shop or a Corner shop unless you need a vital Clarkies fix.
    • Fish ShopÖIf you are forced to buy from a fish shop remember to ask for the pie separate from the chips as when you get home 9 times out of 10 you will find the pie flatten. Also remember the pie could have been warm up a few times during the day turning the pastry into concrete.
    • Corner ShopÖ Most shops slap the pie in the microwave, not a very good idea as it is to soft to eat, so buy a cold one and pop it in the oven when you get home.
  • Never share a Clarkies, itís yours and you eat it.
  • Never buy a Clarkies while under the influence of drink itís a waste.
  • Never put a Clarkies in a microwave it is against the law and the pie will turn to jelly.
  • You never put a Clarkies on a plate.
  • Never use a knife and fork on a Clarkies.
  • Never put gravy, tomato ketchup or brown sauce on your pie.
  • Never buy a hot Clarkies and let it go cold. You save some money if you buy it cold.

Clarkies are built to stand on their own and donít need a foil tray to hold it all together.

A world record for eating the most Clarkies in a given time has yet to be set to my knowledge. My record for wolfing down a Hot Large Pie was set a number of years ago just under 2 minutes but the pie was f**king hot.

The Clarks Pie Shop must be the only veggie free shop in Cardiff, possibly the world.  

On Sale at a Clarks Pie Shop, Yes the Clarks Pie Shop sells only three item

Prices Hot Prices Cold
Large Pie 83 71
Small Pie 56 48
Pasties 56 48

The Clarks pasties this an enjoyable little eat for afters. Not as famous as the pie but in there with the best in the pasties range.

  Large Clarks Pie and Instant Mash Recipe

1.      Make up a small portion of instant mash.

2.      Bite a small hole in the top of a large hot Clarks Pie.

3.      With a small spoon push in some of the mash into the hole.  Mix in the mash with the rich meat filling.

4.      Wait for a minute for the gravy to soak into the mash and eat.

My First Clarkies

Text Box:  
The Large Clarkies Pie

I can remember it like yesterday. I was  mitching from school, which happened a lot around this time with some friends, it was a hot day close to the summer holidays. We were lying around the Marl Park in Grangetown about dinnertime  someone said they were hungry and wanted to get some chips. The fish shop was about to close so we headed off but on our arrival at the fish shop it was shut but one of my mate said he knew where to get something to eat.

He knocked on is side door and asked the man at the door if he could buy a pie, 'how many was his reply,' four. It was not the first time I had saw the famous Clarkies but I never rated them I believed a pie had to come with a foil tray. We handed over the money and in my hand I had a pie with no foil tray. I remember it as hot and I burnt the tip of my tongue also the pasty was so thick. It was a small pie and I was 14. This was the first of many but it was not until I was about 16 at the Clarkies became my official favourite pie.

Celebrity Clarkies Eaters

HRH The Prince of Wales    The Clarkies is a top pie and I plan to give the shop a Royal Warrant.

Tom (the voice) Jones   I have a tray of pies flown out to my home in LA on a regular basis.

Robbie (The Pie) Williams   I had my first Clarkies around Toms gaff and was hooked big time. Tom and I are planning a song together, which we have written called ďClarkiesĒ.

Catatonia   The entire band loves them including any veggies.

Stereophonics   No matter where we play in the world if there is not a pile of Clarkies on the table the gig is off.

Desperate Dan   Stuff you cow pie, Iím a Clarkies man.

  1. Your wife asks you to go to the Clarks Pie Shop to get two hot large pies for dinner, do you?

1.      Go and buy the pies and buy a small pie for a starter on the way home.

2.      Go and buy the pies and eat both on the way home and say the shop was shut.

3.      Go and buy the pies and take them home.

Answers (A 1. Good idea but a small pie!) (A 2. Itís the only thing to do, the wife will only be upset afterwards eating it and want to go on a diet.) (A 3. Are you that sad.)

  1. You come home from a night on the pop and as you walk up the garden path you see the wife is still up and you have only brought home one Clarks Pie, do you.

1.      Eat the pie before you go in.

2.      Go in and offer to share your pie. (You know she will say yes just  because you didnít bring home a Chineseís).

3.      Go in and tell her you are up for it and to go upstairs and wait for you. So you can sit down and eat your pie.

Answers (B 1. Eat it, eat it.) (B 2. You never share a Clarkís pie, itís her fault for staying up.) (B 3. you are drunk, just wolf down a Clarkies let her wait and have a kip.)

  1. Itís your sonís birthday and you promised to buy him his first Large Clarks Pie. On reaching the shop you find you only have £1.39, enough for one large and one small hot pieís you tell him to wait outside the shop, what do you do?

1.      Buy a large pie and small pie in separate bags and tell him you have a small pie to.

2.      Give him the large pie

3.      Buy two small pies and tell him you will get him a large pie next time.

Answers (C 1. He wonít know will he, life can be hard and heís learning early.) (C 2. Are you joking, give up a large one.) (C 3. Men donít eat Small Clarks Pies.)